Ralph's Killer Muenster
Regarding the issue with a certain ongoing investigation
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Dear Valued Patron,
Due to unfortunate circumstances that really were not of our doing that may or may not have something to do with the recent mutant cheese epidemic currently threatening our great city’s sewers, we have decided to commit all our digital resources to helping avert the crisis. We care deeply about our city and, of course, the opportunity to return to producing the city’s greatest cheese. With that in mind, please help us help you help us by watching the trailer that the good people of Genentech have created to help raise awareness for the issue and then download the app they've made that can put an end to this whole headache with expediency.
With sincere hope,
Ralph

 
Ralph's Killer Muenster