As someone who has RA, I know how difficult it is to live with the disease. But I also realize how hard it can be for loved ones to live with or care for someone who has chronic pain and illness. As much as they want to offer care and relief, they worry about causing pain and discomfort, or doing something wrong.
It’s not easy, but over the years I’ve gathered some advice that went a long way to help me and my loved ones. Hopefully, if you have someone special in your life who has been diagnosed with RA, these tips will make a difference.
Get informed: Going to doctors appointments with your loved one can be a big help. It’s important to ask questions to get a better understanding of what’s going on in your loved one’s body. You can also find local support groups and community outreach programs for caregivers.
Open a dialogue. Most likely, your loved one is trying very hard to keep a strong face. It helped me to be reassured (often) that I had someone there to listen. It was important to me that someone wanted to hear how I was feeling, both physically and emotionally.
Become their champion. There are a lot of misconceptions about RA, and it can be hard for others in your lives to understand what your loved one is going through. Spreading awareness and acceptance among your friends can spare your loved one the pain of having to answer the same questions over and over again. It helps me to know that my partner is firmly on my side and that we are in this fight together.
Take care of yourself, too. People who have RA are acutely aware of their illness, but also the effect it has on people they love. In all likeliness, they’re worried about you just as much as you’re worried about them. It will help them if you take the effort to take care of yourself. If you’re burnt out, you won’t be of any help to your loved one, and you could be causing more pain as they worry about you.
Be open to change. As your loved one’s symptoms change, there will likely be changes in your home or routines. Sometimes the house needs to be rearranged to make it easier to move around, or items need to be added to create a safer environment. The more your loved one sees that you’re open to these changes, the easier it will be for them to accept the change as well.
Take notice of their new needs. Something as simple as opening medications or taking out the trash speaks volumes. Anything done to lighten their load is a huge relief. There are also tools specially designed for arthritis patients, like jar grips and silverware with specialized handles.
Find new ways to show your love. Maintaining a relationship can be extremely difficult when your significant other is in constant pain. Finding new ways to show your loved one that you still care can go a long way. Maybe pick up flowers while you’re out picking up their prescriptions. Leave little love notes where you know they’ll find them throughout their day. Send a text to let them know you’re thinking of them. It all adds up to reminding them they are loved, especially when they may not be feeling very lovable.
Tia Maria is the author behind the “BecominNeurotic” blog. When RA made it difficult for her to work a conventional job, she made it her mission to help others battling chronic illness. She volunteers regularly and is co-founder of Spoons 4 Spoonies, an online community that offers support for patients battling chronic illnesses like RA.